How are you doing? I hope you’re okay. I know it’s been stressful for most of us – please hang in there with me.
I’ve felt like Alice all week, through the looking glass into another universe (and not in the shamanic way that I like). I’ve felt big, small, scared, powerful, drugged, lost, and homesick. I’ve cried a lot. I’ve watched myself have knee-jerk reactions and spoil for fights, desperate to be heard and understood in the middle of chaos. I’ve witnessed some ugliness. I’ve been really worried for everyone: truly, everyone. I’m worried for LGBTQ, minority, and immigrant brothers and sisters. I’m worried for women. I’m worried for the environment, which obviously affects us all, and for the world economy. I’m worried for those engaging in racist behavior who, to my mind, just don’t get it.
I worry that nobody is woke enough for this.
Worry has made me feel sick this week, so I’ve needed to let go of it without relinquishing my very real desire to be a healer and changemaker. In the thickness of emotion, I was really lost about how to do that.
So I prayed. A lot. I prayed with tears and wordless confusion and silence. Ever reliable, my allies (who I sometimes call the Benevolent Ones) came to me and shared these things, which I hope will be of some help and comfort to you as they have been for me. These reminders have helped me to breathe and untangle the knots in my body – which is a continual practice right now:
Get grounded. Go outside, dance, sing, be in your body. Take care of yourself physically. Hydrate, move, limit technology, be quiet, be with friends. Pleasure – real delight from art, music, beauty, activity, embodiment – is medicinal. Decisions made from a healthy body and happy heart are more likely to be wise and useful.
You can’t change anyone’s karma and therefore you can’t change their mind. You literally cannot change someone’s life experience, wounds, hopes, past-life records, or soul contracts—-anymore than they can change yours. Engaging in dialogue is important and can lead to change, but striving to convince is an energy leak.
Dialogue involves both parties. If your impulse is to convince, likely you will actually be performing a monologue. If you aren’t ready to listen, don’t begin the conversation. Wait until you have a clearer head or a dialogue partner better suited to you and the topic at hand.
You can’t know what might have happened in an alternate future. Sometimes we are spared something worse by being given something bad. Sometimes, we are given interventions that are horribly uncomfortable but save us in the end because “hitting bottom” comes sooner.
It is important – critically important – to examine the shadow. We have a beautiful opportunity to look into our own hearts for our inner despots and victims, to see where our polarities lie and begin to make peace with ourselves. Where is your inner friction? What part of yourself do you despise? What part don’t you trust? As above so below; as within so without. We have the gift of this time to really see what’s going on in our communities and families, too, which means that – down the road perhaps – we can better integrate and heal. But only if we see it first. When we numb out, bypass, or justify, we blind ourselves and lose the opportunity for growth and resolution. We have to know exactly what it is we’re healing before we can find the right medicine.
Feel everything. Grieve, sit with the confusion, outrage, fear, and disappointment. Weep. Pull it out of your marrow. Let that deep well be what it is. You’ll find here a tremendous, quiet Love, a truly compassionate connection to all things that feel. This Love is indestructible and it shines through fear. There are no winners or losers in this Love, there is no room for narrative or self-interest or moralizing. When we deny the truth of our pain, whether through habitual behavior or spiritual bypassing and avoidance, we miss the opportunity to find this great well of Love. Be courageous. Feel it all. There is no reason to fight anything because light doesn’t fight darkness: it just shines. No fear, no fight: only Love. Right action comes from this Love.
Pray. You don’t have to have perfect words. If you are tired, make tired prayers. If you are dismayed, lift up all that disappointment. Make sacred space in your day and welcome it all. Pray for the ones you couldn’t possibly love, especially yourself. How hard that is! Yes! Acknowledge that difficulty, how confused and imperfect they are, and you are. Pray for it to be just a little bit easier tomorrow or a month from now to love each other and find grace and medicine. This is an honest prayer.
You were born for this time. You were born with a heart ready to do this work. You have everything you need to begin, to continue.
With so much gratitude to those wiser than me ~ blessings to you and to all of us.