The In-between Time

I spent this Summer Solstice morning doing an unintended ceremony as a little bit of journaling turned into an enormous realization. Once I saw this how this pattern was playing out in my life, I needed to consciously let it go– and today is a potent day for that sort of thing. I had to watch the paper with all of those old, dead words smolder and blow away, supercharged by these Solstice days of longest light. So I sat by the river with a lighter and let it all go, a gorgeous summer sun and the gentle laps of the river lending their support.

I don’t know what comes next.

That’s the thing about this work sometimes. For us planners, the ones who like to live in our heads and strategize, the not-knowing is a scary and spacious place. We know for sure that the default isn’t working. We have a vague idea of what will work better but it hasn’t taken shape yet. And it’s by turns terrifying and exhilarating.

I saw a tiny crab in the water as I burned my old contract. I’m a Cancer and we’re moving into my astrological territory this week so I was happy to see her. But it was appropriate to see this little totem today for another reason: when crabs molt, they are soft and watery and very vulnerable. Over time, the new, bigger, more suitable shell fills in. But in that in-between time? I can empathize with how that crab might feel. I’m shedding a shell now and I feel a little bit naked.

The magic of this in-between space is surrendering to whatever grace will come— and trusting that it will. It’s loving ourselves enough to let go of those ill-fitting shells in order to have something wonderful, even if we don’t know yet what that means. We love ourselves through the mystery, because it’s better than the tight shadow we’ve inhabited already. Nature shows us how to move forward anyway, how to trust the process of growing and letting go.

So thank you, Crabby friend. Thank you, River. Thank you, Solstice Sun. Thank you to whatever gifts are already on their way. Thank you even to the in-between space.

If you think of it today, offer a blessing to all of us who are loving ourselves through the mystery. I will offer one for you.

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